The Best Damn Hair Goop for the Worst 12 Year Olds of 2009
Spend any amount of time around enough the youth of today and you’ll probably note that, after a certain hour, they begin to smell like a pack of weird Uncles out for a Full Moon Party. Talk to any of said youth, and you’ll realize that one horrible thing binds them all together: Axe body stuff.
Fortunately, the consumer reach of Axe products has moved beyond smelly spray cancers and into the territory of smelly hair products. Even more fortunately my local dapper gentleman’s shoppe, the White Hen Pantry, was handing out free samples. After a co-worker gave them to me as a ‘gift’, I planned to use them for the forces of evil, and then I realized: I occassionally write for an Internet Blog®.
(Yes, you heard right, it’s actually called “Whatever”. The chosen word of a generation of sloppy, vloggy, ne’er-do-wells. That just-washed, soft hair look? Psshh, whatever, Gramps.)
To be frank, my hair has been getting a little unruly, and so maybe there was a part of me that figured that this ‘messy’ look solution would offer some hope to my do-nothing-mop. Maybe I’d be stunned and shocked at just how wrong I was in my initial sarcastic, holier-than-you judgement. You probably see where this is going.
Results? This stuff looks like dry gum. Consequently, it feels like dry gum too, which is not something you should ever then put in the stringy, fragile material connected to your scalp. It feels like rubbing glue on your head, and it smells like the backseat of a car without wheels. And it does this to your hair:
To quote my girlfriend, Meredith, “You smell like an armpit.” Mission accomplished.